And so it ends...

Exactly one year ago today, Payton and I started Pugnacious P.  I had hoped this anniversary post would be much different, but in life you don't always know where the road will take you.  I know this poem is cited often, but it came to mind immediately when thinking about the last 9 years since Payton became a part of my family.  And I think that it also applies to the journey I signed up for last April when I published the first entry on this blog.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

          --  Robert Frost

After 168 entries, almost 32,000 page views, and just over 2,500 comments, this will be the last normal post.  But I plan to keep Pugnacious P on-line as long as Blogger will host it, so Payton’s story will always be just one Google search away to anyone that may need it. Yes, you might see an update or two occasionally if there is more I can share regarding PDE, and I will strive to keep the PDE related links and material up to date.  I will also post PDE related information on my FaceBook profile, Payton Boostrom.  Hopefully I will be able to write about some real breakthroughs!  I am so proud that Payton is a part of Dr. Kim Greer's research, it gives meaning to all of her struggles and early death.   

This blogging adventure has been a tremendous success.  Payton and I met our goals to raise awareness of PDE and provide hope.  It has been amazing to me how many people in need of PDE-related guidance have stumbled across this blog and contacted me for help.  It is incredible that what we sought out to do has been accomplished.  And now that Payton is no longer with us, I am so thankful to have this precious keepsake of memories.  I can't wait to mess with Blog 2 Print and create the best coffee table book.

Well, it’s time to figure out and move on with the next chapter in my life.  Thank you all for being such dedicated Pugnacious P followers and for welcoming us into this wonderful blogville family.  I am so grateful and blessed because of it.  

Our first post had a picture of Payton and I, so I leave you with the last one of us together taken by Suki's mom during our trip to Dallas, TX.

Love,

Christy

PS.  I have created my own Blogger and WordPress account, so look for "Payton's mom" to start making comments in a week or two.  But know that I continue to read and enjoy all of your posts/blogs even if I don't say "hi".

For Payton, my angel

I have been so touched and overwhelmed with the 30+ posts and the numerous pink flowers that have or will be planted (thanks to Winston's Pink Flower campaign) dedicated to the one and only Pugnacious P.  Now I want to pay tribute to my angel, honoring and celebrating her life.

Payton
March 21, 2003 - March 30, 2012

~~~~~~~~~~

My sweet girl,

The morning you left us, it seemed as if the entire world was crying as a strong rainstorm blew into Chicago.  Your inspirational life touched so many.  You left a large imprint on this earth in such a short time here.  I will never be the same having known you and loved you.  

I miss you.  I still expect to see you as I go about the day at home.  I think about you so often.  You have left quite a hole in my heart, but I know you are being patient with me through my tears as I try to fill the emptiness with wonderful memories.

I have never felt such deep sorrow and joy all at once.  You were a beautiful gift.  The years we shared were some of the most significant time of my life.  You have taught me so much.  I know it is all of those things that will stay with me.  I hope to make you proud.

I was not ready to see you go, but I understand that it was time.  Thank you for fighting so hard to stay with us for so long.  We will not let all of our struggles be in vain.  Your dad and I promise that we will continue to raise awareness about PDE and share your story of hope to whoever will listen.  We will figure out how to help and what to do, fighting the battle as you did so bravely for all these years.

I will not say goodbye.  I look forward to the day when you suddenly stop playing with (or supervising) all of your new friends at the bridge because you have spotted me.  Oh, to see your tail wagging and feel your soft kisses again!  At that time, we will go to heaven together and never be parted again.  I will be your mom for eternity.

I love you,
Momma

~~~~~~~~~~

I created another slide-show/video with a few pictures from each year of Payton's life.  Same problem as yesterday's post/video...must be the music or something that has issues with embedding it, so here is the URL:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JcbWV7jElE4.  Please take a look when you have a chance.  It makes me smile at how serious her face looked as a puppy.  As adorable as she was then, I really have a soft spot for her later years.  She was a beautiful old lady.  And Payton had the cutest smile, at any age.  But it was her personality that won our hearts.  She had such spunk and attitude, yet could be so sweet and loving.  Always happy, eager to please and eat.  She gave us so much and only wanted love (and a few treats) in return.  Even in her last minutes, she used all the energy left in her little body to let us know how much she loved us.  I am so glad that Tim and I were able to give Payton a great life.  She deserved everything we gave her and more.  She was one of a kind.  The best pug ever.

Gosh, I just miss her.  I know I keep saying that, but I lack the ability to express it any other way.  I still cry every day and can't seem to shake the pit in my stomach.  I have never felt grief like this, I never really knew what it felt like.  I'm not going to rush through my feelings for fear of someone thinking it's not healthy or it's been too long.  I'm going to follow my heart and work through this at my own pace.  I know that I will eventually smile and laugh more than cry.  I just need time.  I have no doubt I will get through this.  I will be strong for my brave girl.

Over the last month, there have been so many things said and done for me by such great people in this tight community.  Each time someone has reached out, it has helped to start the healing process, a little bit at a time.  There are still so many to thank...please be patient with me as I try to get to everyone.  It has been a sad time not only with the loss of Payton, but so many others that left us before we were ready.  I found the following cards, quotes, and comments to be particularly comforting so I want to share them with you now.

We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own, live within a fragile circle; easily and often breached.  Unable to accept its awful gaps, we would still live no other way.  We cherish memory as the only certain immortality, never fully understanding the necessary plan.

--  Irving Townsend        

~~~~~~~~~~

In a perfect world, death would never be. Love would be forever, and last eternally. In a perfect world, you’d still be by our side, lighting up our happy lives. You never would have died. In a perfect world, sadness would not be found. Love and life, and happiness forever would abound. Perhaps that perfect world awaits us when we die. A world where eternal bliss is found in heaven’s sky. We’ll cling to faith and hope, for God is a God of love, and in His time we’ll join you in a perfect world above.

--  Ron Tranmer             

~~~~~~~~~~

In the rising of the sun And in it's going down, In the blowing of the wind And in the chill of winter, In the opening of buds And in the rebirth of spring, We will remember you. In the blueness of the sky And in the warmth of summer, In the rustling of leaves And in the beauty of autumn, In the beginning of the year And when it ends, We will remember you. When we are weary And in need of strength, When we are lost and sick at heart, When we have joys we yearn to share, We will remember you. For long as we live, you too shall live, For you are a part of us, And we will always remember.

And in the pink flowers we remember Payton, a brave and loyal little pug, and her loving family. Payton will always be there, always be a part of us because she touched our hearts. And we will always remember.

~~~~~~~~~~

Payton was sent to you for a reason.  She taught you what she was supposed to and then it was time for her to move on.  As you heal and recover, you'll figure out what you are supposed to do with what you have learned.

~~~~~~~~~~

I fully believe that we will be together with these [fur] babies in Heaven.  I know without a doubt that there won't be a single desire of my heart that is not met in Heaven.  I won't have a single want that is not fulfilled.  God knows the longings of my heart, and this is one of them.  I believe He will provide.

Tomorrow I'll be back one last time to wrap up this great blogging adventure.

Love,
Christy

PS.  I keep forgetting to tell you all about a blog called Our Rainbow Friends, and I still have to put their badge on the sidebar.  It is a wonderful site that was created to honor all pets that cross the bridge.  The posts are simple but nice.  Payton's post on this blog was published already.

From the family

I hope through reading this blog that you know how lucky I am to have the most supportive family... 

...not just my husband, but my parents too.  They were always very encouraging and enjoyed reading Payton's posts, even if they had been on the adventure or knew about the story.  Since things are wrapping up on Pugnacious P, I wanted to give them the opportunity to share something with you. 

It was crazy how much Payton loved her Gampy.  If he was near, no one else was given the time of day.  Tim and I were always thankful when she would still want to go home with us after a visit.  In case you didn't already know, my dad, Payton's Gampy, has his own blog, Life IS a bowl of cherries!, so I'm sure he will continue to write about Payton now and again.  That being said, this post just wouldn't be complete without him, so he's up first.

Today, I want to honor two people who devoted 9 years to the health, well-being, and love of one seriously sick pug.  Christy and Tim rearranged their lives without qualm when Payton was diagnosed with PDE.  I could go on for pages about their sacrifices but most of you who have unwaveringly followed this blog know all about the 24/7 round the clock care, the emergency and routine trips to the vets (near home and in Chicago), the extraordinary financial burden...well, you get the picture. Payton was a very fortunate little miracle.  Most families could not have done all those things and that's very understandable.   

The journey Payton and Christy took us on via Pugnacious P is a story of love, humor, sadness, joy, and hope, educating all of us about the horrific illness that is PDE.  I pray every day that Tim and Christy understand Payton's gift to them, that of ultimate love.  And that is what their sorrow should turn into with time, love for the many blessings they gave each other! 

Thank you, Christy.  Thank you, Tim.  Thank you, my little Noodle-Nose!

Love,
Gampy

There is no way to possibly count the number of times that my mom, Gammy, stepped up to help out and watch Payton so that I could still work during the first few years of Payton's illness, run errands, or go on a date with my husband.  Payton loved her Gammy, but she also liked to boss her around, demanding treats and toys.  They were great buddies and playmates.

Payton touched the deepest part of my heart that will always remain with me. I can remember her first visit to our house. Steve [Gampy] and I were waiting in the back yard with anticipation. She was the cutest thing I have ever set my eyes on. She immediately came over to us and showered her love all over our faces. And she never failed displaying her unconditional love towards us.

Payton was so precious how she would talk to me at the dinner table wanting more than a nibble. Her face always melted my heart, so I would give her treat after treat after treat! Her eyes were like no other. They were so expressive and human like. And the way she would use her paws to hold a toy was amazing. She always surprised me with her intelligence.

Not only was Payton adorable, but she was also very playful. And I took advantage of all the opportunities to play with her. Whenever Payton came to visit, the first thing she would do is go to the back room and stand by the dresser waiting for a new toy. Before we entered into the living room sometimes the squeaker or the toy was destroyed. I keep her favorite, Sea Horsey, by her picture.

Every time I saw Payton I just wanted to squeeze her and give her all of my kisses, even though I never received any most of her life. Instead, each time Payton and I would meet, she would sniff and lick my ears while pulling off my earrings. When I did not wear earrings, she would nibble on my ear lobe. How cute is that?!?  I could feel the softness of her fur and whiskers as she breathed on my face and in my ear. There are many endearing moments but her tender ear "kisses" are my favorite and have a special place in my heart. The last couple of days the Lord gave me to be with her were the best ever. I was on my knees, and she did nothing but gently gnaw on my ear, kissing them, and my face, and like never before, my lips.

I truly miss her! She gave me so many treasures I will never forget.  I thank God for His wonderful creation, teaching us how to love and be loved.   

What Gammy says is so true.  Payton would very rarely give her kisses on the face and never on the mouth...even when my mom would smear food on her lips trying to bribe Payton.  So it must be that Payton knew she needed to say goodbye.  And Gammy always gave in to Payton's treat requests.  I have no doubt she scored more than one tasty bite after this video was recorded.

Last up, but certainly not least is my silent [until now] partner and husband, Tim.  He was the one that really pushed me into starting the blog.

Hi everyone.  This is Payton's dad.  I want to say a few words to my girls.

Christy, I'm so proud of you.  You started the blog to raise awareness about PDE, and you've clearly begun to do just that.  As a by-product, you've created a wonderful catalog of Payton's life and adventures.  Your writing authentically captures Payton's spirit.  Many people across the world got a glimpse of how incredible our little girl was thanks to you.  You were an amazing mama.  Staying home with her full time was as challenging as it was rewarding.  But I know that she loved having you by her side through it all.  And I love and appreciate all you did for her.

Payton, you won me over the first time I saw your little expression.  I couldn't go home without you.  And even through all the tremendous difficulties that your situation caused, I would do it again in a heartbeat.  Your strength and determination cannot be put into words.  6 years with PDE!  Even the doctors could only smile and shake their heads in amazement.  And the whole time, you loved life.  You never let anything get you down.  That is what I hold on to.  You lived every day like it was the only moment that mattered.  In your memory, I'm trying to do the same.  I miss wrestling with you.   I miss giving you a "scratch session" when I come home from work.  I miss you "attacking" me with kisses.  I miss you.  I love you.  And I was so proud to be your dad.  I hope I get to see you again, my sweet P.

Payton had a routine when Tim got home from work every day.  Many of you saw the rubs and scratches post/video.  Well, just in case Tim would ever forgot, Payton would bark and follow him around until he picked her up.   This video is a prime example, and it was taken the Friday before she passed.

It's hard to say if Payton was a daddy's girl or a mommy's girl.  I was home with her for the last 5 1/2 years of her life (working from home 3 1/2 years and then becoming a full time pug mom for 2 years), so we did everything together.  But she knew that Tim was her provider and protector somehow.  She just loved to be with us.  Sometimes she would refuse to play until we were both home.  I feel privileged having had the opportunity to spend so much quality time with her, and so thankful that since being diagnosed with PDE, Payton was never alone.  She was always with me, Tim, Gammy, and/or Gampy.  Here are some of our favorite memories shared with our girl.

So the You Tube video was supposed to be imbedded here.  I have no idea why Blogger found the two videos above, but can't seem to display the third one in the pick list of my videos.  Ugh.  Sorry.  Here's the URL, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6i6g1sa0XQ.  Please check it out.

More memories tomorrow as I pay tribute to the pug behind the blog, the one and only, Pugnacious P. 

Love,
Christy 

A few announcements...

It seems like my short statement about announcements in yesterday's post got everyone excited, but I should say right now, that it's not about a new pug or anything so I hope no one is disappointed.  I like to hear the bad news first, so I'll start with that.

These last two weeks worth of posts that Payton "helped" me write have been bittersweet.  The commentary was hard to write, but I'm sad they are over.  Although I could go on for years telling you all about so many great memories, I don't have any more new pictures to share.  So with a lot of thought, I have decided to publish Pugnacious P's last regular blog post this Friday.  I just think it's time to move on and discover what the next chapter of my life is.

But don’t worry, I am not leaving all of you, my dear friends.  I just love all of your blogs!  I will likely create a new profile and start making comments again...I just hope I remember to sign my name.  During this difficult time, I have enjoyed staying up to date on all of your fun.  In fact, Tim and I hope to share some of that fun with you.  I finally took the plunge and have created a Facebook account, with the profile name Payton Boostrom in memory of my angel, to keep in touch with some of you that aren't on Blogger very often (please send me a "friend request" on FB if you are interested) and...drum roll please...to organize our “Remembering Payton Blogville Tour”!  Payton just loved to travel and go on adventures, and she liked, ok tolerated, meeting awesome people (treat givers) and pugs, so we are going to continue doing just that in her honor.  It will be a celebration of her wonderful life.  Please don't feel bad if we can't make it to your part of the country, or world for that matter.  It might be hard since everyone is so spread out, but it will be fun trying.  Let me know if you will be participating in a 1000 Pugs photo-shoot as that might be a good way to see many with a single trip.  We can’t wait to start making plans!

Speaking of 1000 Pugs, we've decided that our trip to Milwaukee during the 1k Pugs and Pugfest weekend is still on.  I am heartbroken over the fact that Payton is not around to super model for Miss Amanda and that she will not be there to meet all of the wonderful Pugfest organizers.  I had even purchased a new harness and matching bandanna custom embroidered with her name and "PDE Survivor" for Payton to wear on this trip.

I took this picture the Monday before Payton passed away.  She was not happy that I was delaying lunch, so it's not the best, but it's the only one we have of her all decked out in her new harness and bandanna.

It will be a tough weekend, but we really wanted to be there since Pugfest has been so supportive in our cause to raise awareness of PDE, and we will do it for Payton.  Gampy will be there to make sure Tim and I steer clear of the adoption areas.  We are suckers for those sweet smushed faces and just know one might steal our heart, but it's just too soon for us...we are not ready to commit ourselves again just yet.  Anyway, let me know if you'll be there, or just wave when you see me.  I'll be the girl wearing the pink bandanna.

Please stop by the rest of the week for a couple of very special posts.

Love,

Christy

A bit nutty

I took these pictures the Sunday and Monday before Payton died.  The weather had just started to warm up again and along with it the airborne allergens were high so her sinuses were acting up.  I know it's not healthy to play the "what if" game, but if I'm honest, I have to admit that I have beat myself up a bit about not taking her in to the vet to see if she still had issues with her lungs from our Texas trip.  Maybe catching something just a few days earlier would have changed the outcome?  I try not to dwell on that.  I know I was a great mom to Payton.  I know that it was common place for her sinuses to get bad.  It's just hard not to go over the details of the last few days and weeks with her. 

~~~~~~~~~~ 

While dad was attending his capstone MBA class this weekend, mom and I went over to Gammy and Gampy's.  Finally, mom said I could have the toy that Suki gave me in Texas, but I was feeling a little under the weather - sinuses.  That is sometimes the downside to spring and warmer weather.  Anyway, so although I ripped into the wrapping (too fast for mom to even get a good shot), I just didn't feel like playing much.  But mom got a few cute pics of me to share anyway.

But don't worry, Suki.  The next day, I went right to my new squirrel as soon as I got up in the morning!

I love, love, love the acorns!  I played with them off and on all day.  Thanks Suki!  You pick out really great toys.

Love,
Payton

~~~~~~~~~~

On Monday, Payton's spunk returned so I figured it must have been all of her sniffling and sneezing that made her so tired the day before.  She even had enough energy that she jumped on my lap wanting me to scratch her back like Tim did when he got home (we showed you that in her rubs and scratches post).  She never did that with me!  I didn't do nearly as good of a job because she stayed upright mostly, but she didn't seem to mind and stayed on my lap for quite some time.  I will never forget it.  We were so close, face to face.  Payton gave me the most loving, gentle kisses.  I miss her smell, I miss not having snot all over my glasses, I miss her bribery attempts for early meals.  It's so funny how it's the little things that you miss so much.

Love,

Christy

PS.  This is the last post that Payton helped me write.  So that means that for the rest of this week it will be just me, but I hope you stop by because I've got a few announcements.

Flashback Friday...you've got a friend in me

I guess technically all of the posts over the last two weeks have been flashbacks, but these pictures are quite a few years old and scanned from prints.  Anyway, I wish you all could have seen the two of these girls in action.  From the moment they met, Payton had her sight set on Isabella and I think she was really excited to have a playmate, even a tiny tan and yippy pug at one forth of her weight.  When Payton got home from our first trip to Chicago after being diagnosed with PDE, she wasn't allowed near other dogs for three months.  It was a tough time for many reasons, as you can imagine, but it was hard for Izzy too.  I think she missed her friend.  The nature of their relationship changed, Payton just wasn't the same dog, but their bond remained.

~~~~~~~~~~

♫♪♫

You've got a friend in me

When the road looks rough ahead

And you're miles and miles

From your nice warm bed

Just remember what your old pal said

You've got a friend in me

You've got troubles, well I've got 'em too

There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you

We stick together and we see it through

You've got a friend in me

Some other folks might be

A little bit smarter than I am

Bigger and stronger too

Maybe

But none of them will ever love you the way I do

It's me and you

And as the years go by

Our friendship will never die

You're gonna see

It's our destiny

You've got a friend in me

♫♪♫

With all of the most awesome friends I have met (both in the fur and here in Blogville), I got to thinking about my first best friend.  I have published only a few posts about Isabella, but she was such a big part of my life that I wanted to share a few more pictures of us together.  We could not be more different, but she taught me a lot.  And even after I got sick and didn't want to play with her like I did before (as demonstrated in my "playing with a big dog" post), Izzy stayed by my side.  We were two peas in a pod.

Isabella was a beast sometimes, but I could tame her.  You know you've found a great friend when they don't mind you sitting on their head while sleeping.  Hehee!

Love,
Payton

~~~~~~~~~~

After Izzy's passing in December 2007, we didn't seek out opportunities for Payton to meet new doggie friends.  But in the last year since starting the blog, which brought about many great meet-ups, we were so surprised and proud that she really became quite the social butterfly and kept getting more comfortable with other pugs.  Now don't get me wrong, she didn't actually socialize WITH the pugs, Payton just tolerated being in their presence if it meant getting to explore new places and going on adventures and getting extra treats.  She was fortunate to have spent the most time with girlfriends, and despite her aloof attitude, the connection with Tiffy and Suki was clear.  Payton felt instantly at home with Tiffy at her house (her peeps live there too!) and the two quickly became partners in crime, trying to track down every last crumb in the kitchen and pantry.  Suki was like her little sister.  Their relationship reminded me a bit like that Payton shared with Isabella.  She had Payton's back in Texas and when asking her friend to play by getting all up in Payton's face, it didn't phase Miss P one bit and she even tolerated the active youngster like any good big sis would (which as Vito and Vinny know, as witnessed by Hank, wasn't the reaction Payton had during her very first pug encounter!).  She was so fortunate to have met those pugs as well as Sid (who I think is Payton's male alter-ego), Southern Fried Pugs, Pug, Gracie (and Arnie and Levi),the entire Pugpant gang, Salinger, Mia, The Pug Posse, the late angel Yoda, Brutus, Ellie, and a few other Indy pugs.  So many wonderful pugs (and their peeps), but so many that aren't in that list.  I wish you all could have met Payton and likewise her *snub unless holding a treat*, I mean, meet all of you!

Love,

Christy

March of the Penguin

As you all have seen in previous posts, Payton was such a toy killer.  For such a long time after she first came down with PDE, there didn't seem to be a toy on the planet to spark her interest.  Mainly I think she just didn't feel comfortable in her body, but once she got used to all of the medications, it was game on.  We were so excited when she picked up a toy out of the blue and wanted to play.  What a happy day that was!

~~~~~~~~~~

I am always excited to get a new toy, especially if it's a skinneez.  Mom and dad delivered with this cool penguin.  Right away my animal instincts took over, and I made sure it knew who was boss around here!

This skinneez has one of those "non-destructible" squeakers, but that just made me try even harder to kill it.  Check out this video of me in action.  (Sorry for the loud background noises...dad was doing the dishes and putting away some pots and pans.)

Sometimes breaking in a new toy can be exhausting.

But I'd say after a full hour of battle, I deserved a little nap.  After all, I did just get more exercise than mom does in a week!  Hehee!

Love,
Payton

~~~~~~~~~~

Payton loved to dig for her toys under blankets and in her bed.  She never quite mastered a perfect football hike, but came close a few times.  Her favorite game of hide and seek was with her Cuz.  If she got bored with simply playing fetch with it, all I had to do was squeak it under the blankie on her bed to get her going.  It got tougher to play as her eyesight declined.  We never wanted her to get to frustrated if she couldn't find it, but she was always eager to keep looking.  It still amazes me how much perseverance such a little dog can have.  I wish I was more like Payton.  She was such a bright light in my life and still her spirit shines.

Love,

Christy

Wordless Wednesday...I've got my eye on you

The title of this post brings up a lot of mixed emotions, sad and happy thoughts. Naturally I wish my baby girl was here with me, but thinking that I have an angel watching out for me is a comforting thought. She was an angel on earth so wouldn't it make sense that she is an angel in heaven?

~~~~~~~~~~ 

~~~~~~~~~~ 

I can see why it's so easy for people to question their faith when faced with such grief. I don't understand it, and right now, I don't like it, but I will trust in God's plan. However, I have to admit that I have struggled with doubts about whether or not I will ever see Payton again. Is the Rainbow Bridge real? Do all dogs really go to heaven? Let me tell you, the idea of her being gone forever is mind numingly painful, so I did some research.

Referring to God's plan for the world, the Bible says in Ephesians 1:10,

to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment–to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ.

And in Romans 8:19-21,

The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.

This means to me that one day all of creation, which our furkids are a part of, will be transformed. It follows as such in Isaiah 11:6-9 that there will be a time of peace where nature is returned to its intended balance and harmony when Jesus Christ reigns over the earth.

The wolf will live with the lamb,
the leopard will lie down with the goat, 
the calf and the lion and the yearling together;
and a little child will lead them. 
The cow will feed with the bear,
their young will lie down together, 
and the lion will eat straw like the ox. 
The infant will play near the hole of the cobra,
and the young child put his hand into the viper's nest. 
They will neither harm nor destroy
on all my holy mountain, 
for the earth will be full of the knowledge of the Lord
as the waters cover the sea.

Becuase I have accepted Jesus as my savior I know I will be in heaven one day, but will Payton join me in heaven? I think so. If all the animals mentioned in Isaiah 11:6-9 will be then there is no way our loving God will exclude the very animals that are a true expression of His unconditional love. I look forward to the day I can hold and kiss my Angel of Love again.

Love,
Christy

Deep Thoughts...leave it or chase it

Many people have commented about how much they like Payton's Deep Thoughts picture. I admit, she does look very regal and important sitting in that formal, fancy chair. And I can tell you that description is in keeping with her character. Like mother, like daughter, Payton enjoyed the finer things in life. The first two hotels we ever took her to were nice, but nothing special, and she was very unsettled and uncomfortable. But then we introduced her to the Ritz Carlton Chicago and there was no going back for this pampered pug.

This picture was taken there a few years back. Forgive me, I don't remember the exact year but know it was the same trip that she fell in love with butter after stealing two balls of it from the room service table at breakfast and where she had to have emergency surgery to remove her gall bladder. That is a story in itself. I guess the little stinker was having so much fun that she decided to wait until her gall bladder was about to rupture before showing any signs of distress. Oh, I can't tell you how relieved we were to already be near Dr. Podell when she started acting funny. Actually we were blessed at how many times that happened. Payton certainly had a connection with that city.

Ok, without further delay, here is Payton's last Deep Thought.

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When I was younger, there wasn't even a black bird that would dare to enter the confines of my yard.  I used to always ask to go outside anytime I saw a flock land and would chase them barking my head off.  But now, I guess my softer side has emerged.  My mom says it's my lack of sight and hearing.  No comment.  Since I am not outside in the winter time, the rabbits have taken a liking to our property.  But since I'm not a "pellet" eater, mom doesn't care and lets them be.  And really, they don't bother me either.

So would you just let the rabbit be, or would you chase it?

Love,
Payton

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You may have to click on the photos to biggify in order to see the rabbit but it's there in all 4 shots. It was interesting over the years watching Payton turn into a pacifist of sorts. I'm sure a bit of it did have to do with her hearing and sight loss, but I know she still smelled the animals and could even sense their presence. She would stop in her tracks and her eyes would move right at them. But I think as Payton got older she was more content in enjoying all of nature outside. One of her favorite pastimes besides eating or eating during adventures was just laying in the grass soaking up the sun and smelling all the scents carried to her nose by the wind. I'm so glad I was home with Payton these last years to allow her every opportunity to do just that. Here is a listing of some past posts where she demonstrated her fondness for the sun, http://pugnaciousp.blogspot.com/search/label/sun. I particularly like the earlier posts with pics of her sprawled in the grass. Enjoy!

Love,
Christy

The Saggy Baggy Elephant

These are some of the last pictures we have of Payton, taken only a few days before she left us.  Yes, she was skinny, but oh so beautiful.  No sign of illness either.  I mean she really looks good in these pictures, older sure, but even I have a few grey hairs.  Ugh.  You'd think that if anyone would be prepared to lose a fur-kid, it would me, never knowing how this PDE thing would play out.  But the pneumonia came on so quickly and so strongly that it really caught me by surprise.  I needed more time to prepare, more time to spoil her with bacon and prime rib, more time to say goodbye.  I just can't say enough how much I miss my sweet, feisty, sometimes bossy, loving, and beautiful Saggy Baggy Elephant.

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You all may remember a post where I discussed nicknames.  Well lately, mom has given me a new one.  She calls me her Saggy Baggy Elephant.  I know!  How rude!

It doesn't sound flattering, and then she showed me where the name comes from (some of your humans may remember Little Golden Books)...

...and my instincts were right.  Yeah, not funny mom!  I can't help it if my jowls are a little droopy...

...or my belly is a little wrinkly...

...or my hair is a little thin.  I know you don't want me to start coming up with some nicknames for you!

Got that mom?!?  Sheesh!  It's crazy what we have to put up with sometimes, huh?

Love,
Payton

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It was only since March that I started affectionately calling Payton my Saggy Baggy Elephant, but anytime Tim or I used one of her many nicknames, Payton would always look at us funny, like "you peeps need help!".  Not only was Payton the most beautiful pug, she was also one of the most expressive I've ever seen.  We could always sense what was on her mind.  And it was usually, "I'll have what you are having."  I love my food-crazed, super cuddler, angel of love...THE Pugnacious P.

Love,

Christy

Laundry Day

I think there were three primary reasons that Payton loved to "help" me with the laundry.  She loved to lay on clothes straight out of the dryer, the warmer the better.  Given her obsession with sun bathing and heater vents, that probably comes as no surprise.  But if *someone* didn't get to folding the clothes right away, she would keep her eye on the now cold pile and would eventually make her move, climbing to the top as she did in her post, On Top of Mount Sheets.  The higher the better.  Not sure if she had a Princess and the Pea syndrome (she had almost everything else on the planet) or just liked to survey her domain from the highest, most comfortable, vantage point.  Lastly I think she did it because she was unhappy that I wasn't focusing all of my attention on her.  At that moment in time, we weren't playing or eating or napping, so she would get in my way to let me know I'd better get with her program.  These are examples of each of her reasons from February of this year.

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A pug's work is never done.

I am exhausted!

Love,
Payton

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And I am very happy to say that I always succumbed to her wish.  The house chores suffered as a result, but I have no regrets about that.  No worries, I made sure we always had clean underwear.  :-)  

Love,

Payton

The Hunt for the Next Top Bolster

From early on Payton always made sure her head was propped up on something. I don't know if she learned it from seeing us use pillows in bed (yeah, she was that smart) or if it's just pug instinct.  Regardless, she was always adorable resting her head on some kind of bolster.

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If you've been reading my blog for a while, you know that I love a good chin support, or bolster.  In fact, recently I showed you how I love to lay my head against the armrest of our loveseat in my post Crazy Couch Sleeper.  This got me to thinking about the other things in the house that I can use as a bolster.

Let's start out with the obvious choices like a pillow (quite a while back I actually did an entire post dedicated to my love of pillows aptly named Pillow Girl).

My Bowser Donut bed, always a favorite, is surrounded by a bolster for my head AND feet.

Body parts can be relaxing too.

Shin/knee area

Arm

Thigh/knee area

Yeah, mom is pretty comfortable.  Her stomach isn't bad either, but no pictures of that yet.  I've even sleep-barked while resting on her and lucky mom had her phone handy so she got it on film.

Now onto some ideas that might be a little more obscure.  Like the floor cushion.  You might think to lay on them, but then your head wouldn't be supported, and that just won't do!

Or how about an overstuffed toy?

Lastly, and perhaps the most difficult is a jumbled blanket.  It is so hard to get it just right with the correct amount of "shelf" dimensions.

Regardless of the type of head rest that works best for you, don't forget to live as my good friend Sid says and the world can be your bolster too!

Love,
Payton

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Like the other recent posts, all of these pictures were taken in 2012, some even a week or two before she passed away.  I've been sorting through old fashioned prints, collecting some oldies but goodies to scan and share with you all later.

Thanks for all of your continued support and prayer through this very difficult time.  I am trying my best to get through each day, but it is tough adjusting to life without my girl.  I like reliving these memories and being able to continue to share Payton, but the tears keep rolling down my cheeks...they are just easier to hide in cyberspace.

Love,

Christy