From Pug-a-boo! Remembering Pugnacious P! (part 2)

When I think about Payton, inevitably I remember how crazy she was about food.

 
Many of you may recognize this photo as Payton's Blogger profile pic.  It was taken on a sunny day in St. Louis when Tim and I took our girl to The Boathouse in Forest Park for lunch by the water and then a romp in the fields by the Museum of Art.  It would have been the perfect day for an ice cream cone.  Like the time we made a special treat for Payton.
http://pugnaciousp.blogspot.com/2011/06/cone-destroyer.html

She was always a happy pug eating out with us...or eating in with us too...she wasn't picky.  Here's a post showing P's normal spot during meal times, regardless of our location.
http://pugnaciousp.blogspot.com/2011/10/under-table.html 

I can't recall too many times that she wasn't in the kitchen with me when I was messing around.  She was the best sous chef I could ask for.  And of course during clean up after eating, so would always do her part to make sure no crumbs were left behind in the dining room.
http://pugnaciousp.blogspot.com/2011/12/wordless-wednesdaypatroling-dining-room.html

Payton was never to proud to beg.  She would paw at us and bark trying to convince us to share.  I know that she would have thought about sticking out her tongue at us when we didn't give her a nibble, just like in this post.

http://pugnaciousp.blogspot.com/2011/12/can-i-have.html

I think you will all agree with me that this video, and Payton's "focused" eyes, show just how much she loved food.

There's no doubt she had it good, but I do wish we had given in to her a bit more.  She deserved it.  :-)

Love,

Christy  

From Pug-a-boo! Remembering Pugnacious P! (part 1)

It was hard to narrow down some of my favorite posts from Payton's blog.  

So many cute pictures and great memories.  In fact, have I ever told you about the photo above that is the Pugnacious P header?  It is probably my favorite picture of Payton.  It was taken in the fall or early winter about 3-4 months after she got sick at approximately age 3 1/2.  You can't tell, but she still didn't have any hair on the back of her neck from the spinal tap and MRI, but had her thick, full coat of fur everywhere else.  She hadn't really begun to turn grey in the muzzle.  What I love so much about it though is the look on her face.  You can see what a fighter she is, like she is telling the world to watch out!  Oh, my pretty girl.

The posts I chose today all focus on the photos.  I love her stunning face, like in this post where she was really working it for the camera.

http://pugnaciousp.blogspot.com/2011/09/this-ones-for-boys.html

And I love to see how she aged so gracefully.  Here are two similar posts where the pictures were taken years apart.

http://pugnaciousp.blogspot.com/2011/07/wordless-wednesdayshawdow-and-light.html
http://pugnaciousp.blogspot.com/2012/03/more-poses-in-shadow-and-light.html

Lastly, this post really shows off her beautiful life.   

http://pugnaciousp.blogspot.com/2012/04/then-and-now.html 

I am so enamored with the photos taken in her last year with us.  Every time I day dream and picture her in my mind, she is older.  You could see the toughness and sass in her eyes.  You could see that she had been through so much in her life and she wouldn't give any of it up.  There was just something about how her jowls hung a little bit more and the grey hair - so striking.  No doubt she was a real looker, simply gorgeous.

Love,

Christy

From Pug-a-boo! March is for Payton

As the month of March begins, I will be taking time to write about my special angel.

There are a couple important milestones that I just can't overlook, and I need to reminisce a bit with all of you.  So each Monday, I'll share a few of my favorite Pugnacious P posts.  I had hoped to count down Payton's most viewed entries, but all the ones at the top of the Blogger stats page are about her battle with PDE.  Although that makes me proud beyond words, I really want to focus on celebrating her beauty, her sass, her spunk, her spirit, and her incredible life...that she lived the hell out of.

Love,
Christy

And so it ends...

Exactly one year ago today, Payton and I started Pugnacious P.  I had hoped this anniversary post would be much different, but in life you don't always know where the road will take you.  I know this poem is cited often, but it came to mind immediately when thinking about the last 9 years since Payton became a part of my family.  And I think that it also applies to the journey I signed up for last April when I published the first entry on this blog.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

          --  Robert Frost

After 168 entries, almost 32,000 page views, and just over 2,500 comments, this will be the last normal post.  But I plan to keep Pugnacious P on-line as long as Blogger will host it, so Payton’s story will always be just one Google search away to anyone that may need it. Yes, you might see an update or two occasionally if there is more I can share regarding PDE, and I will strive to keep the PDE related links and material up to date.  I will also post PDE related information on my FaceBook profile, Payton Boostrom.  Hopefully I will be able to write about some real breakthroughs!  I am so proud that Payton is a part of Dr. Kim Greer's research, it gives meaning to all of her struggles and early death.   

This blogging adventure has been a tremendous success.  Payton and I met our goals to raise awareness of PDE and provide hope.  It has been amazing to me how many people in need of PDE-related guidance have stumbled across this blog and contacted me for help.  It is incredible that what we sought out to do has been accomplished.  And now that Payton is no longer with us, I am so thankful to have this precious keepsake of memories.  I can't wait to mess with Blog 2 Print and create the best coffee table book.

Well, it’s time to figure out and move on with the next chapter in my life.  Thank you all for being such dedicated Pugnacious P followers and for welcoming us into this wonderful blogville family.  I am so grateful and blessed because of it.  

Our first post had a picture of Payton and I, so I leave you with the last one of us together taken by Suki's mom during our trip to Dallas, TX.

Love,

Christy

PS.  I have created my own Blogger and WordPress account, so look for "Payton's mom" to start making comments in a week or two.  But know that I continue to read and enjoy all of your posts/blogs even if I don't say "hi".

For Payton, my angel

I have been so touched and overwhelmed with the 30+ posts and the numerous pink flowers that have or will be planted (thanks to Winston's Pink Flower campaign) dedicated to the one and only Pugnacious P.  Now I want to pay tribute to my angel, honoring and celebrating her life.

Payton
March 21, 2003 - March 30, 2012

~~~~~~~~~~

My sweet girl,

The morning you left us, it seemed as if the entire world was crying as a strong rainstorm blew into Chicago.  Your inspirational life touched so many.  You left a large imprint on this earth in such a short time here.  I will never be the same having known you and loved you.  

I miss you.  I still expect to see you as I go about the day at home.  I think about you so often.  You have left quite a hole in my heart, but I know you are being patient with me through my tears as I try to fill the emptiness with wonderful memories.

I have never felt such deep sorrow and joy all at once.  You were a beautiful gift.  The years we shared were some of the most significant time of my life.  You have taught me so much.  I know it is all of those things that will stay with me.  I hope to make you proud.

I was not ready to see you go, but I understand that it was time.  Thank you for fighting so hard to stay with us for so long.  We will not let all of our struggles be in vain.  Your dad and I promise that we will continue to raise awareness about PDE and share your story of hope to whoever will listen.  We will figure out how to help and what to do, fighting the battle as you did so bravely for all these years.

I will not say goodbye.  I look forward to the day when you suddenly stop playing with (or supervising) all of your new friends at the bridge because you have spotted me.  Oh, to see your tail wagging and feel your soft kisses again!  At that time, we will go to heaven together and never be parted again.  I will be your mom for eternity.

I love you,
Momma

~~~~~~~~~~

I created another slide-show/video with a few pictures from each year of Payton's life.  Same problem as yesterday's post/video...must be the music or something that has issues with embedding it, so here is the URL:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JcbWV7jElE4.  Please take a look when you have a chance.  It makes me smile at how serious her face looked as a puppy.  As adorable as she was then, I really have a soft spot for her later years.  She was a beautiful old lady.  And Payton had the cutest smile, at any age.  But it was her personality that won our hearts.  She had such spunk and attitude, yet could be so sweet and loving.  Always happy, eager to please and eat.  She gave us so much and only wanted love (and a few treats) in return.  Even in her last minutes, she used all the energy left in her little body to let us know how much she loved us.  I am so glad that Tim and I were able to give Payton a great life.  She deserved everything we gave her and more.  She was one of a kind.  The best pug ever.

Gosh, I just miss her.  I know I keep saying that, but I lack the ability to express it any other way.  I still cry every day and can't seem to shake the pit in my stomach.  I have never felt grief like this, I never really knew what it felt like.  I'm not going to rush through my feelings for fear of someone thinking it's not healthy or it's been too long.  I'm going to follow my heart and work through this at my own pace.  I know that I will eventually smile and laugh more than cry.  I just need time.  I have no doubt I will get through this.  I will be strong for my brave girl.

Over the last month, there have been so many things said and done for me by such great people in this tight community.  Each time someone has reached out, it has helped to start the healing process, a little bit at a time.  There are still so many to thank...please be patient with me as I try to get to everyone.  It has been a sad time not only with the loss of Payton, but so many others that left us before we were ready.  I found the following cards, quotes, and comments to be particularly comforting so I want to share them with you now.

We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own, live within a fragile circle; easily and often breached.  Unable to accept its awful gaps, we would still live no other way.  We cherish memory as the only certain immortality, never fully understanding the necessary plan.

--  Irving Townsend        

~~~~~~~~~~

In a perfect world, death would never be. Love would be forever, and last eternally. In a perfect world, you’d still be by our side, lighting up our happy lives. You never would have died. In a perfect world, sadness would not be found. Love and life, and happiness forever would abound. Perhaps that perfect world awaits us when we die. A world where eternal bliss is found in heaven’s sky. We’ll cling to faith and hope, for God is a God of love, and in His time we’ll join you in a perfect world above.

--  Ron Tranmer             

~~~~~~~~~~

In the rising of the sun And in it's going down, In the blowing of the wind And in the chill of winter, In the opening of buds And in the rebirth of spring, We will remember you. In the blueness of the sky And in the warmth of summer, In the rustling of leaves And in the beauty of autumn, In the beginning of the year And when it ends, We will remember you. When we are weary And in need of strength, When we are lost and sick at heart, When we have joys we yearn to share, We will remember you. For long as we live, you too shall live, For you are a part of us, And we will always remember.

And in the pink flowers we remember Payton, a brave and loyal little pug, and her loving family. Payton will always be there, always be a part of us because she touched our hearts. And we will always remember.

~~~~~~~~~~

Payton was sent to you for a reason.  She taught you what she was supposed to and then it was time for her to move on.  As you heal and recover, you'll figure out what you are supposed to do with what you have learned.

~~~~~~~~~~

I fully believe that we will be together with these [fur] babies in Heaven.  I know without a doubt that there won't be a single desire of my heart that is not met in Heaven.  I won't have a single want that is not fulfilled.  God knows the longings of my heart, and this is one of them.  I believe He will provide.

Tomorrow I'll be back one last time to wrap up this great blogging adventure.

Love,
Christy

PS.  I keep forgetting to tell you all about a blog called Our Rainbow Friends, and I still have to put their badge on the sidebar.  It is a wonderful site that was created to honor all pets that cross the bridge.  The posts are simple but nice.  Payton's post on this blog was published already.

From the family

I hope through reading this blog that you know how lucky I am to have the most supportive family... 

...not just my husband, but my parents too.  They were always very encouraging and enjoyed reading Payton's posts, even if they had been on the adventure or knew about the story.  Since things are wrapping up on Pugnacious P, I wanted to give them the opportunity to share something with you. 

It was crazy how much Payton loved her Gampy.  If he was near, no one else was given the time of day.  Tim and I were always thankful when she would still want to go home with us after a visit.  In case you didn't already know, my dad, Payton's Gampy, has his own blog, Life IS a bowl of cherries!, so I'm sure he will continue to write about Payton now and again.  That being said, this post just wouldn't be complete without him, so he's up first.

Today, I want to honor two people who devoted 9 years to the health, well-being, and love of one seriously sick pug.  Christy and Tim rearranged their lives without qualm when Payton was diagnosed with PDE.  I could go on for pages about their sacrifices but most of you who have unwaveringly followed this blog know all about the 24/7 round the clock care, the emergency and routine trips to the vets (near home and in Chicago), the extraordinary financial burden...well, you get the picture. Payton was a very fortunate little miracle.  Most families could not have done all those things and that's very understandable.   

The journey Payton and Christy took us on via Pugnacious P is a story of love, humor, sadness, joy, and hope, educating all of us about the horrific illness that is PDE.  I pray every day that Tim and Christy understand Payton's gift to them, that of ultimate love.  And that is what their sorrow should turn into with time, love for the many blessings they gave each other! 

Thank you, Christy.  Thank you, Tim.  Thank you, my little Noodle-Nose!

Love,
Gampy

There is no way to possibly count the number of times that my mom, Gammy, stepped up to help out and watch Payton so that I could still work during the first few years of Payton's illness, run errands, or go on a date with my husband.  Payton loved her Gammy, but she also liked to boss her around, demanding treats and toys.  They were great buddies and playmates.

Payton touched the deepest part of my heart that will always remain with me. I can remember her first visit to our house. Steve [Gampy] and I were waiting in the back yard with anticipation. She was the cutest thing I have ever set my eyes on. She immediately came over to us and showered her love all over our faces. And she never failed displaying her unconditional love towards us.

Payton was so precious how she would talk to me at the dinner table wanting more than a nibble. Her face always melted my heart, so I would give her treat after treat after treat! Her eyes were like no other. They were so expressive and human like. And the way she would use her paws to hold a toy was amazing. She always surprised me with her intelligence.

Not only was Payton adorable, but she was also very playful. And I took advantage of all the opportunities to play with her. Whenever Payton came to visit, the first thing she would do is go to the back room and stand by the dresser waiting for a new toy. Before we entered into the living room sometimes the squeaker or the toy was destroyed. I keep her favorite, Sea Horsey, by her picture.

Every time I saw Payton I just wanted to squeeze her and give her all of my kisses, even though I never received any most of her life. Instead, each time Payton and I would meet, she would sniff and lick my ears while pulling off my earrings. When I did not wear earrings, she would nibble on my ear lobe. How cute is that?!?  I could feel the softness of her fur and whiskers as she breathed on my face and in my ear. There are many endearing moments but her tender ear "kisses" are my favorite and have a special place in my heart. The last couple of days the Lord gave me to be with her were the best ever. I was on my knees, and she did nothing but gently gnaw on my ear, kissing them, and my face, and like never before, my lips.

I truly miss her! She gave me so many treasures I will never forget.  I thank God for His wonderful creation, teaching us how to love and be loved.   

What Gammy says is so true.  Payton would very rarely give her kisses on the face and never on the mouth...even when my mom would smear food on her lips trying to bribe Payton.  So it must be that Payton knew she needed to say goodbye.  And Gammy always gave in to Payton's treat requests.  I have no doubt she scored more than one tasty bite after this video was recorded.

Last up, but certainly not least is my silent [until now] partner and husband, Tim.  He was the one that really pushed me into starting the blog.

Hi everyone.  This is Payton's dad.  I want to say a few words to my girls.

Christy, I'm so proud of you.  You started the blog to raise awareness about PDE, and you've clearly begun to do just that.  As a by-product, you've created a wonderful catalog of Payton's life and adventures.  Your writing authentically captures Payton's spirit.  Many people across the world got a glimpse of how incredible our little girl was thanks to you.  You were an amazing mama.  Staying home with her full time was as challenging as it was rewarding.  But I know that she loved having you by her side through it all.  And I love and appreciate all you did for her.

Payton, you won me over the first time I saw your little expression.  I couldn't go home without you.  And even through all the tremendous difficulties that your situation caused, I would do it again in a heartbeat.  Your strength and determination cannot be put into words.  6 years with PDE!  Even the doctors could only smile and shake their heads in amazement.  And the whole time, you loved life.  You never let anything get you down.  That is what I hold on to.  You lived every day like it was the only moment that mattered.  In your memory, I'm trying to do the same.  I miss wrestling with you.   I miss giving you a "scratch session" when I come home from work.  I miss you "attacking" me with kisses.  I miss you.  I love you.  And I was so proud to be your dad.  I hope I get to see you again, my sweet P.

Payton had a routine when Tim got home from work every day.  Many of you saw the rubs and scratches post/video.  Well, just in case Tim would ever forgot, Payton would bark and follow him around until he picked her up.   This video is a prime example, and it was taken the Friday before she passed.

It's hard to say if Payton was a daddy's girl or a mommy's girl.  I was home with her for the last 5 1/2 years of her life (working from home 3 1/2 years and then becoming a full time pug mom for 2 years), so we did everything together.  But she knew that Tim was her provider and protector somehow.  She just loved to be with us.  Sometimes she would refuse to play until we were both home.  I feel privileged having had the opportunity to spend so much quality time with her, and so thankful that since being diagnosed with PDE, Payton was never alone.  She was always with me, Tim, Gammy, and/or Gampy.  Here are some of our favorite memories shared with our girl.

So the You Tube video was supposed to be imbedded here.  I have no idea why Blogger found the two videos above, but can't seem to display the third one in the pick list of my videos.  Ugh.  Sorry.  Here's the URL, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6i6g1sa0XQ.  Please check it out.

More memories tomorrow as I pay tribute to the pug behind the blog, the one and only, Pugnacious P. 

Love,
Christy 

A few announcements...

It seems like my short statement about announcements in yesterday's post got everyone excited, but I should say right now, that it's not about a new pug or anything so I hope no one is disappointed.  I like to hear the bad news first, so I'll start with that.

These last two weeks worth of posts that Payton "helped" me write have been bittersweet.  The commentary was hard to write, but I'm sad they are over.  Although I could go on for years telling you all about so many great memories, I don't have any more new pictures to share.  So with a lot of thought, I have decided to publish Pugnacious P's last regular blog post this Friday.  I just think it's time to move on and discover what the next chapter of my life is.

But don’t worry, I am not leaving all of you, my dear friends.  I just love all of your blogs!  I will likely create a new profile and start making comments again...I just hope I remember to sign my name.  During this difficult time, I have enjoyed staying up to date on all of your fun.  In fact, Tim and I hope to share some of that fun with you.  I finally took the plunge and have created a Facebook account, with the profile name Payton Boostrom in memory of my angel, to keep in touch with some of you that aren't on Blogger very often (please send me a "friend request" on FB if you are interested) and...drum roll please...to organize our “Remembering Payton Blogville Tour”!  Payton just loved to travel and go on adventures, and she liked, ok tolerated, meeting awesome people (treat givers) and pugs, so we are going to continue doing just that in her honor.  It will be a celebration of her wonderful life.  Please don't feel bad if we can't make it to your part of the country, or world for that matter.  It might be hard since everyone is so spread out, but it will be fun trying.  Let me know if you will be participating in a 1000 Pugs photo-shoot as that might be a good way to see many with a single trip.  We can’t wait to start making plans!

Speaking of 1000 Pugs, we've decided that our trip to Milwaukee during the 1k Pugs and Pugfest weekend is still on.  I am heartbroken over the fact that Payton is not around to super model for Miss Amanda and that she will not be there to meet all of the wonderful Pugfest organizers.  I had even purchased a new harness and matching bandanna custom embroidered with her name and "PDE Survivor" for Payton to wear on this trip.

I took this picture the Monday before Payton passed away.  She was not happy that I was delaying lunch, so it's not the best, but it's the only one we have of her all decked out in her new harness and bandanna.

It will be a tough weekend, but we really wanted to be there since Pugfest has been so supportive in our cause to raise awareness of PDE, and we will do it for Payton.  Gampy will be there to make sure Tim and I steer clear of the adoption areas.  We are suckers for those sweet smushed faces and just know one might steal our heart, but it's just too soon for us...we are not ready to commit ourselves again just yet.  Anyway, let me know if you'll be there, or just wave when you see me.  I'll be the girl wearing the pink bandanna.

Please stop by the rest of the week for a couple of very special posts.

Love,

Christy