Monday, April 23, 2012

A bit nutty

I took these pictures the Sunday and Monday before Payton died.  The weather had just started to warm up again and along with it the airborne allergens were high so her sinuses were acting up.  I know it's not healthy to play the "what if" game, but if I'm honest, I have to admit that I have beat myself up a bit about not taking her in to the vet to see if she still had issues with her lungs from our Texas trip.  Maybe catching something just a few days earlier would have changed the outcome?  I try not to dwell on that.  I know I was a great mom to Payton.  I know that it was common place for her sinuses to get bad.  It's just hard not to go over the details of the last few days and weeks with her. 


While dad was attending his capstone MBA class this weekend, mom and I went over to Gammy and Gampy's.  Finally, mom said I could have the toy that Suki gave me in Texas, but I was feeling a little under the weather - sinuses.  That is sometimes the downside to spring and warmer weather.  Anyway, so although I ripped into the wrapping (too fast for mom to even get a good shot), I just didn't feel like playing much.  But mom got a few cute pics of me to share anyway.

But don't worry, Suki.  The next day, I went right to my new squirrel as soon as I got up in the morning!

I love, love, love the acorns!  I played with them off and on all day.  Thanks Suki!  You pick out really great toys.



On Monday, Payton's spunk returned so I figured it must have been all of her sniffling and sneezing that made her so tired the day before.  She even had enough energy that she jumped on my lap wanting me to scratch her back like Tim did when he got home (we showed you that in her rubs and scratches post).  She never did that with me!  I didn't do nearly as good of a job because she stayed upright mostly, but she didn't seem to mind and stayed on my lap for quite some time.  I will never forget it.  We were so close, face to face.  Payton gave me the most loving, gentle kisses.  I miss her smell, I miss not having snot all over my glasses, I miss her bribery attempts for early meals.  It's so funny how it's the little things that you miss so much.


PS.  This is the last post that Payton helped me write.  So that means that for the rest of this week it will be just me, but I hope you stop by because I've got a few announcements.


Angel Yoda, Brutus & Ellie said...

Sending lots of hugs and kisses your way.

Pugs & Kisses,

Brutus & Ellie

Minnie and Mack said...

Thank you, again, for letting us see Payton's sweet face just before she went over the Bridge. She always looked happy and loved.

Hugs and kisses,
Minnie and Mack and Kathy

Punchbugpug said...

What an adorable little sweetie! I hope writing and sharing hopes with your broken heart. It is tough NOT to beat yourself up over stuff, but as you say you know you were a good mom...except you better change that to GREAT!

Gracie the Agility Pug said...

Thanks for continuing to share. Such cute pictures.

Meredith LeBlanc said...

We will definitely keep coming back! We love hearing about Payton, sweet girl.

Meredith & Scarlet

Hound Girl said...

Those are really cute pics! Ofcourse we will be here to read the announcements :)

I understand about beating yourself up, I question myself all the time "well maybe I should have tried another seizure medicine" but we cant dwell on that. I think its ok to have those moments of unsurety, I think its all part of greiving. Im here if you need anything or to talk. - hugs

Sammy and Neko said...

Christy, Payton had great life on earth because of you.
Thank you!!

More hugs !!!!!!

Pearl said...

We miss you, Payton! xoxo

tubby3pug said...

Oooh the what if game. Ive played it too. I felt so guilty after Zira died thinking that I shuld have noticed the pneumonia, but she had not coughed or wheezed until the day I took her to the vet. OF all my dogs I was the least bonded to Zira and in some ways that made me feel worse, I worried that I had some how missed something. The vet assured me I had not.

Payton looks like she had a wonderful last weekend. I am so glad she was happy and playful in her last days and that you and she spent them together.

We will of course keep looking at y our blog and I am eager to hear your announcements

urban hounds

Noodles said...

These posts and pictures have made me miss and feel closer to Payton all at the same time. Thanks for sharing them with us Payton's Mommy.
FURiends for life - love Noodles

Michelle + Myko said...

We will definitely stop by. We love these posts and pics, especially the last one with the acorn in her mouth:) We are thinking of you daily, and we are so glad you keep sharing her with us!

Pug love!

Eddie the Pug said...

Can't wait to read the announcements!
Love from,
Eddie the Pug said...

What a cool toy, Payton! I love the "toy within a toy" thing. Those little acorns look like the perfect size for chompin'. Suki - you do know how to pick out a good toy!

Those last two photos are just too adorable.

I'm excited about the annoucement! Don't keep us waiting too long. :)


Idaho PugRanch said...

Oh Christy, you were the most awesome Mom to Payton. We have loved seeing all the pictures and reading your commentary. We think of you everyday and look forward to the announcements!.
Bailey & Hazel

Sequoia & Petunia & Emma said...

She looks so cute & happy with the acorns in her mouth. We miss her too.

the girls & jenn

Tweedles -- that's me said...

Thank you for sharing this journey.
The ups and downs- happy and sad.
We loved Payton and all of you.
And you were the best parents ever.
There will always be "what if's".
You did the best you could. You did what was the best for Payton


Frank The Tank said...

Thank you sooo much, it is so nice to see Payton again, for letting us share Payton's days just before she went over the Bridge. I havent been visiting much sorry but thats just because I'm so sad, the photos make me feel very sad but also happy that you are doing ok and that you are celelbrating Paytons life with her final photos and posts! I miss Payton so much! I would love you to visit my part of the world! That would be an adventure for you! All my love and prayers to you and your family, Love from Frank, Jemma and Malo xxxxxx