Laundry Day

I think there were three primary reasons that Payton loved to "help" me with the laundry.  She loved to lay on clothes straight out of the dryer, the warmer the better.  Given her obsession with sun bathing and heater vents, that probably comes as no surprise.  But if *someone* didn't get to folding the clothes right away, she would keep her eye on the now cold pile and would eventually make her move, climbing to the top as she did in her post, On Top of Mount Sheets.  The higher the better.  Not sure if she had a Princess and the Pea syndrome (she had almost everything else on the planet) or just liked to survey her domain from the highest, most comfortable, vantage point.  Lastly I think she did it because she was unhappy that I wasn't focusing all of my attention on her.  At that moment in time, we weren't playing or eating or napping, so she would get in my way to let me know I'd better get with her program.  These are examples of each of her reasons from February of this year.

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A pug's work is never done.

I am exhausted!

Love,
Payton

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And I am very happy to say that I always succumbed to her wish.  The house chores suffered as a result, but I have no regrets about that.  No worries, I made sure we always had clean underwear.  :-)  

Love,

Payton

The Hunt for the Next Top Bolster

From early on Payton always made sure her head was propped up on something. I don't know if she learned it from seeing us use pillows in bed (yeah, she was that smart) or if it's just pug instinct.  Regardless, she was always adorable resting her head on some kind of bolster.

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If you've been reading my blog for a while, you know that I love a good chin support, or bolster.  In fact, recently I showed you how I love to lay my head against the armrest of our loveseat in my post Crazy Couch Sleeper.  This got me to thinking about the other things in the house that I can use as a bolster.

Let's start out with the obvious choices like a pillow (quite a while back I actually did an entire post dedicated to my love of pillows aptly named Pillow Girl).

My Bowser Donut bed, always a favorite, is surrounded by a bolster for my head AND feet.

Body parts can be relaxing too.

Shin/knee area

Arm

Thigh/knee area

Yeah, mom is pretty comfortable.  Her stomach isn't bad either, but no pictures of that yet.  I've even sleep-barked while resting on her and lucky mom had her phone handy so she got it on film.

Now onto some ideas that might be a little more obscure.  Like the floor cushion.  You might think to lay on them, but then your head wouldn't be supported, and that just won't do!

Or how about an overstuffed toy?

Lastly, and perhaps the most difficult is a jumbled blanket.  It is so hard to get it just right with the correct amount of "shelf" dimensions.

Regardless of the type of head rest that works best for you, don't forget to live as my good friend Sid says and the world can be your bolster too!

Love,
Payton

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Like the other recent posts, all of these pictures were taken in 2012, some even a week or two before she passed away.  I've been sorting through old fashioned prints, collecting some oldies but goodies to scan and share with you all later.

Thanks for all of your continued support and prayer through this very difficult time.  I am trying my best to get through each day, but it is tough adjusting to life without my girl.  I like reliving these memories and being able to continue to share Payton, but the tears keep rolling down my cheeks...they are just easier to hide in cyberspace.

Love,

Christy

Wordless Wednesday...random acts of playfulness

I know that by adding my commentary, I am violating the wordless theme of this post, but I know you all will let it slide.  Payton was an extremely playful puppy, biting, chewing, chasing after Tim with the highest pitched yip ever.  She was always a very aggressive player, totally determined to kill whatever "toy" was in her path, not wanting to stop until it was completely destroyed.  It always struck me as odd behavior for a pug...just never thought of this breed as having any animal instincts since they are bread for companionship.  Her first toy was a rope bone and soon after that a red puppy-sized Kong.  She would run around barking with that Kong in her mouth.  It was like a funny megaphone.  Her most favorite toy was the petite Nylabone Galileo Bone.  We had to get rid of them about 6 months after she was diagnosed with PDE because she chipped two teeth (they were weak because of the prednisone steroid).  I have no doubt that it would have remained her favorite toy forever.  She really mourned it, almost refusing to play with anything else for a couple of months.  I wish I had thought to keep her last bone, but at the time, we didn't want to keep it in the house because we knew she would smell it.  Before she got sick another fav was Surfer Dude, a plush blue dog with Hawaiian clothes and rope bones for arms.  After she got sick, that toy just didn't draw her attention for some reason.  We searched seemingly forever to find a replacement for the Galileo Bone, when thankfully the Cuz came into our lives.  I guess she loved the feet.  She just couldn't get enough of it...whew!  Throughout the 6 years that Payton was sick, playtime came and went depending on her energy level and health.  I think it bothered her if she couldn't do it full out, or she couldn't see the toy well enough.  But oddly in the last couple years of her life, she was the most spunky and the most like her pre-PDE self.  Here are pictures of her having fun, all taken in 2012.

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I tore the butterfly's head off.  I have no remorse.

Yes, that is a string hanging out of my mouth.  So what?

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In her later years, Cuz was still a favorite, but after discovering Skinneeez (the stuff-less toys), there was a tie for her heart.  Her flying squirrel and ostrich are particularly beat up.  For those of you that read Payton's guide to toy management, you know she had a stash of them at Gammy and Gampy's house.  Her favorite there was a tiny yellow seahorse.  It remains there by a picture of our sweet girl.  I've been going through the rest of her toys, both the used ones and the rather embarrassingly large quantity of unused that we [ok, I] bought for our pampered princess.  It was equally hard to sort through both.  Memories of toys that saw action came flooding in and regret about not having memories for the others.  A great number will be donated, but there are some special ones we will keep for a memory box and a few that I know Payton would want to give her friends.  I look forward to sharing those.

Love,

Christy

Crazy Couch Sleeper

In her early years, Payton was always on the furniture.  She claimed the back of the couch and the left corner where she could survey the entire house and look out the sidelight windows of the front door.  Then after she hurt her back, climbing and jumping were off limits.  It wasn't until about a year ago or less that Tim and I became a little lax on those rules.  Instead of going back to her spot on the couch, she much preferred the right corner on the loveseat.  Probably because one of us was usually already sitting there and she wanted to squeeze her way on to a warm spot.  And yes, we always moved for her.  I think she also wanted to be with us.  She was particularly clingy the last 6 months or so, and I am grateful for that.  After I lost my seat, I took these pictures of her in February of this year.

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When mom lets me, or when I just do it anyway, I hop up on the loveseat and take my spot in the corner.  Mom thinks it's scary that I can get so comfortable and never kink my neck.

Sometimes I curl up.

Sometimes I stretch out.

Ok, I'll admit, maybe it's a bit scary too.

Love,
Payton

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She was always a good sleeper, but never snored all that much like many pugs do.  I miss her demanding the loveseat corner, demanding I make room for her on my lap, demanding cuddle time.  She was a great snuggle bunny.  I miss my bedtime partner.  Even if I start out in the middle of the bed, I find myself waking up on the edge where I always did because of some furry bed hog (no need to name names here).  There was always some body part of hers in my face during the night.  Sadly mostly her behind, but often I'd wake up to find her head right next to mine on my pillow.  I miss that.  I just miss you, Payton.

Love,

Christy

Then and Now

This post and it's title have such a deeper meaning for me now.  When Payton conned her way into our hearts with the saddest puggy dog face ever, we could never have imagined the crazy ride that lie ahead.  We wouldn't trade any of it for all the riches in the world.

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This is an old picture, my very first one to be exact.  (I posted it once before a while back in a Flashback Friday post, but I just had to use it again here for comparison purposes.)

June 2003

I'm sure you can see why it was so easy for me to get my 'rents wrapped around my fingers (well, I guess the technical term would be paws) before we even got home.  I can't believe how time flies.

February 2012

But some things never change.

Love,
Payton

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Yep, all it ever took was one look and she had us just where she wanted us.  She was such a cutie even in her old age.  I miss kissing those fuzzy lips.

I hope everyone had a great Easter Weekend.  It was bittersweet for us, but the weather was lovely and I was inspired by Winston's idea to have everyone plant PINK flowers in Payton's honor.  I felt that I too needed to participate. 

 

The calla lilies were my favorite of all the pink flowers we saw at the market.  Very spring.  I wish my little helper was by my side.  Payton would have stuck her face in the bag of dirt and smelled each and every bud.  She loved to smell flowers, especially when she was younger.  Thank you, Winston, for this beautiful tribute.

Love,

Christy

Payton’s battle with PDE...the war is over

In the end it wasn’t the seizures that took Payton’s life, but a nasty infection in her lungs, most likely a severe bacterial pneumonia.  True to form, she showed no signs of any illness until it had progressed.  Why did she have to be so tough, always putting on a strong face?  After returning from Texas (and her collapsing trachea diagnosis), she quickly lost the cough and perked up.  She enjoyed her birthday as you all witnessed on the blog, and was doing great until Tuesday night (March 27^th) when the cough returned and Payton began to shake/shiver with pain.  The emergency vet was nervous, the XRAYs didn’t look good.  I won’t even bother listing all of the things that were likely wrong.  But the next day brought hope as Payton seemed better, if only more stable.  Then early Thursday (March 29^th) morning she started to struggle.  When our local vet couldn’t help, Gampy drove us to Chicago (Tim was in California on business).  We dropped her off in the emergency facility where Dr. Podell worked.  They put her in an oxygen chamber and switched antibiotics to give her a fighting chance.  When we left, she was sitting and wanted out of the box.  I didn’t want to leave her, but I knew she was getting the best care.  Thankfully, Tim arrived soon.  After Dr. Podell had a chance to evaluate the situation and watch her, he called us with bad news.  The infection was winning.  Years of immunosuppressive drugs made even the smallest bug a battle for Payton.  And this time there was so much fluid building up in her lungs that Payton’s little body just didn’t have the strength to fight to breathe while fighting off the infection.  He didn’t think that she would pull through but he wanted to give her the night to prove him wrong.  I wanted to camp out in the waiting room, but the doctor and technicians said we should stay at the hotel and get some sleep.  Unfortunately, we got a call early Friday that she had declined significantly.  The wonderful technician that was watching Payton said we needed to come in and make a decision.  After checking in, the technician brought us in the back and said that Payton had just coughed up fluid and didn’t have the energy to move.  When the chamber doors were opened, Payton recognized us and used her last bit of spunk to smile at us and wag her tail.  I held her head and we petted her.  It was time to say goodbye.  I held her and she took her last breath.  She was the most beautiful girl in life and death.

March 21, 2003 - March 30, 2012

Payton fought hard her entire life, and without hesitation I declare her victory over PDE.  Kicked its butt.  Yes, it took her life too early, but if you think about it, every one of us will eventually meet the same fate one day or another.  And there is no one (furry or not) that I have known in my life to fight with so much courage and determination, with so much love and passion.  I’ve said it before, but now it takes on a whole new meaning…she is my angel of love, my hero, and my inspiration.

It is an understatement to say that I miss Payton.  There is a hole in my heart, an unsettling emptiness in my life.  There are different levels of sadness that I feel throughout each day.  Sometimes I can smile when I think about her, but sometimes I find myself having such a horrible panic attack…a pit in my stomach that we have left her somewhere and when I try to run to her she keeps getting further and further away.  I am struggling, so much pain and heart ache.  There is no place to hide from the hurt, sometimes I feel trapped.  My brain knows we made the right choice, but my heart feels like we gave up on her.  Despite how sick and tired she got so quickly, I really thought she would pull through…that’s what always happened.  I had hoped we would never have to make that decision, to have her life in our hands.

Please do not worry about me.  I know over time it will get easier and the healing process will start.  I intend to fight through this for Payton.  She would not want me to be sad forever.  There are so many things that she would want me to enjoy, and I plan to continue having adventures in her honor, more of which I will share later.

The amount of support we have received is remarkable, from people we know and many that we don’t.  Thank you.  Those words are not enough to give, but it’s all I have right now.  The daily comments, emails, text messages, and cards have been so uplifting and encouraging.  And the tributes on so many other blogs, each one is so special and meaningful.  Please know that I look forward to reading them each day, and they are making a big difference.  Just knowing that so many are mourning and crying with us has touched us more than we can say.

I wish that everyone could have met Payton, but I can’t tell you how happy I am to know that so many of you felt as if you did know her.  Really, words are not enough to express the joy I feel knowing her memory will live on beyond her immediate family.  She wasn’t the kind of pug you keep to yourself.  In fact, I think it will help me to share more of her with you.  Payton and I had drafted some posts that we planned to publish throughout April.  If you don’t mind, I’m going to publish them over the next few weeks.  

Thank you for letting me express some of my feelings.  Maybe it will help others that are grieving.  I do still plan to respond individually to everyone that has reached out to us, but please be patient with me as I gather the strength.

Love,

Christy

PS.  We were able to donate Payton’s remains to Dr. Kimberly Greer's research in hopes that even after death Payton can help kick some PDE butt!  If your pug or a pug you know has been diagnosed, please consider reaching out to Dr. Greer when the time comes.  Monetary donations are always welcomed too.  I will make sure to keep her contact information up to date on the blog.  If you have trouble reaching her, please feel free to email me and I’ll help in any way I can.