How to command your toys...a tutorial.

Since Christmas is nearing (just a week away!) and hopefully we'll all be getting a few new toys to play with, I thought I should take the time to go over my strategy for maintaining rule over the stuffies.  I hope this helps you preserve order in your house.

Rule #1:
Kill the squeakers.  Show them who's boss.  After all, you don't want any insubordinate talk back, do you?  Turn up the speakers and enjoy the silence in these two videos...and my growling and snorting!

Be sure to check all appendages like I did with the giraffe, and also make sure that even old and beloved toys like my squirrelly are checked daily.

Rule #2:
Keep your friends close, but your enemies even closer.

You may remember that this is the pink ballerina flamingo that friend Suki got me.  She is a tough cookie.  For homework, you can study my moves from one of my many matches with it (it's the second half of the first video in my "Too tired to play with the toys from Suki?" post).  And here's a recent pic of a battle just after the Christmas tree was decorated to get you inspired.  You can't let these toys give you lip!

Rule #3:
Start collecting.  Why shouldn't we have every variation of the toys we like?  We deserve it!

Skinneez from left to right: moose, raccoon, fox, rabbit, squirrel, and hedgehog

Cuz from left to right: regular, giant, bad, other, holey, and dino

Mom promises more skinneez for Christmas!  Yay!

Rule #4:
Don't be afraid to pick a favorite.  You never know when you'll need it in a crunch.

Rule #5:
For those stubborn learners, never give up the fight...even when sleeping.

Yep, you guested it, that dastardly pink ballerina flamingo needs my constant attention!

Rule #6:
Send them to the medic for repair, so they can return to the battle another day.

See the stitches on this one?  I'm not sure how many times Gammy sewed it for me, but it's hanging in there!

Rule #7:
But know when they are beyond fixing, and let the weak ones go.

I know it's hard, but we must be strong when your peeps take one to the trash can.  Just remember to be respectful and bow your head saying a little prayer.

Rule #8:
Take inventory every so often.  Sort out the winners from the losers.

Rule #9:
Then make cuts accordingly.  Do it in front of the others to set fear.

Rule #10:
In hopes of world domination, expand your kingdom when you can.  Word will get around, and your reputation will grow.

These are my stuffies at Gammy and Gampy's house.  I'm on the look out for a third location...

Oh, and just remember, don't be soft on the holiday toys either.  They knew what they were getting themselves into...

Well, I hope this was informative and helpful.  If you have any additional tips of the trade, please leave them in the comment section for others.  "Pug"lic service announcement out!

Love,
Payton