Monday, December 19, 2011

How to command your toys...a tutorial.

Since Christmas is nearing (just a week away!) and hopefully we'll all be getting a few new toys to play with, I thought I should take the time to go over my strategy for maintaining rule over the stuffies.  I hope this helps you preserve order in your house.

Rule #1:
Kill the squeakers.  Show them who's boss.  After all, you don't want any insubordinate talk back, do you?  Turn up the speakers and enjoy the silence in these two videos...and my growling and snorting!

Be sure to check all appendages like I did with the giraffe, and also make sure that even old and beloved toys like my squirrelly are checked daily.

Rule #2:
Keep your friends close, but your enemies even closer.

You may remember that this is the pink ballerina flamingo that friend Suki got me.  She is a tough cookie.  For homework, you can study my moves from one of my many matches with it (it's the second half of the first video in my "Too tired to play with the toys from Suki?" post).  And here's a recent pic of a battle just after the Christmas tree was decorated to get you inspired.  You can't let these toys give you lip!

Rule #3:
Start collecting.  Why shouldn't we have every variation of the toys we like?  We deserve it!

Skinneez from left to right: moose, raccoon, fox, rabbit, squirrel, and hedgehog
Cuz from left to right: regular, giant, bad, other, holey, and dino
Mom promises more skinneez for Christmas!  Yay!

Rule #4:
Don't be afraid to pick a favorite.  You never know when you'll need it in a crunch.

Rule #5:
For those stubborn learners, never give up the fight...even when sleeping.

Yep, you guested it, that dastardly pink ballerina flamingo needs my constant attention!

Rule #6:
Send them to the medic for repair, so they can return to the battle another day.

See the stitches on this one?  I'm not sure how many times Gammy sewed it for me, but it's hanging in there!

Rule #7:
But know when they are beyond fixing, and let the weak ones go.

I know it's hard, but we must be strong when your peeps take one to the trash can.  Just remember to be respectful and bow your head saying a little prayer.

Rule #8:
Take inventory every so often.  Sort out the winners from the losers.

Rule #9:
Then make cuts accordingly.  Do it in front of the others to set fear.

Rule #10:
In hopes of world domination, expand your kingdom when you can.  Word will get around, and your reputation will grow.

These are my stuffies at Gammy and Gampy's house.  I'm on the look out for a third location...

Oh, and just remember, don't be soft on the holiday toys either.  They knew what they were getting themselves into...

Well, I hope this was informative and helpful.  If you have any additional tips of the trade, please leave them in the comment section for others.  "Pug"lic service announcement out!



Frank The Tank said...

Hi Payton, I really love this post, it is amazing and so funny, you had Mum laughing so hard that she almost peed! Thank you so much for that very helpul "Pug"lic service announcement on 'How to command your toys' I love the photo of you in 'Take inventory every so often' and I love the advice to 'make cuts accordingly. Do it in front of the others to set fear' it is so very funny! My fave photo is 'Don't be afraid to pick a favorite' I absolutly love your face, the way your toungue reaches your nose! Wow!
See me taking care of toy business (links below)

This is how I keep my Stuffies in line! I attack and dissable!
I hope to hear more of your "How to"'s soon! Lots of love, licks and big pug hugs from your friend Frank xxxxx

Meredith LeBlanc said...

Scarlet says the bigger the toy the better for her, it has to be at least her size before she'll get it in her Puggy jaws & shake the life out of it. And you saw what she did to Santa, everyone gets equal treatment. Furthermore, the toy basket must be taught a lesson from time to time too.

Of course she's now telling me that she needs multiple baskets of in multiple locations...

Meredith & Scarlet

The Slimmer Pugs, Kitties, and Mama said...

Hi Payton!
Wesa wants to know'ums what you do with the toys that don't make the cut? Do you donate them?
Please let us knows 'cuz we needs to make cuts sooner rather than later!!
Much Luvums,
The Slimmer Puggums
George, Gracie, Toby, Lily, and Mimi

Noodles said...

Hey Payton
Mommy is super busy this week and I hardly ever see her. But when I saw your tutorial, I had her STOP WHAT SHE IS DOING and let me comment on your blog. Thank you sooooooooo much for the great tips on Holiday Toy Use and Maintenance. I really need it as I expect to receive a SEMI full of toys on Christmas Day!
Love Noodles

Brutus, Ellie, Pippa and Otto said...

Payton - such a superb post. You are absolutely correct, those stuffies need to be kept in line!! Thanks for the set of rules - we are thinking that we need to implement them at our house :)

Pugs & Kisses,

Yoda, Brutus & Ellie

Anonymous said...

Payton, I congratulate you on a superb tutorial. I learned a lot from your wise words. Except for that part about making cuts, that will never do.
The only think I can add is to demand of your humans to search/lift the couch every couple of weeks to rescue any strays that may have fallen through.
By the way, the Skinneez you sent me is still my favorite toy aside from my collection of Nyla bones. Although I do have to share it with Poppy who seems to have laid claim to it.

Sammy and Neko said...

Rule#9 is like...the movie... what was it? uhmmm, Toy Story !!!!


Minnie and Mack said...

Great post! And boy are your stuffies organized. Ours end up all over the house, thanks to Minnie.

We love picture #5, so cute!

We will study your tutorial and make sure we are doing it right. and those little balls with feet...I see you call them skinneez. They are new to us but we are learning what they can do. LOL

Can't wait for the next installment.

Drools and licks,
Minnie and Mack (xoxoxoxo)

moPSY+MISIOber said...

This is the BEST post ever !!! we've never seen so many toys in one place. Thank you for all the rules, they are awesome. Zuzia don't play with toys ;( never did :( me (Pucia) like toys from time to time, but Fredzio loves his toys, I mean toy, because the only toy he LOVES is a IKEA bear, it's his sixth or seventh:) mommy says, she is in love in your ears Payton and picture from rule # 5 :) hugs and kisses Fredzio Zuzia and Pucia ;)

Hank said...

Hahaha, Pay Pay! You are so funny with your toys. I wish Hank liked toys (I think he's just too lazy to play).

PS If you lived closer, I'd be happy to offer up my house as your third location!

Hugs -


Suki said...

Hi Payton!

Great post! Thanks for the advice. Mom is laughing at the sleeping picture.


Southern Fried Pugs said...

Excellent lesson, Payton. All we have to add is to pee on them. That's Isabelle's favorite thing to do. She'll pull one of of toy box to do it. That's more to annoy Petunia though. Sisters, sheesh.

Winston Wilbur said...

Ok, noted, noted and noted! Mum specially likes the one of them all bagged ups!

HOLY PUGGERS looks at all yer toys... and Mum says I have a lot!


Tweedles -- that's me said...

oh payton
I don't want my mom to see those toys bagged up!
hide this blog.
sometimes i hear mama say some of my toys need to go live somewhere else. I say no!
I need them all. I would know if one toy is missing!
I do appreciate all your insturctions.
And I think your toys are managed so good.
You should see my toys too

Wilma said...

Oh Payton! You are an expert level 5 lambie director! I think you could even school Sluggo. The two of you do have a similar handeling style with the lambies. Hehehehe

Pug Slope said...

Payton, your post had me cracking up!!! You sure know how to work those toys - you should sign up to be a toy tester. You seem to know how to put them through the paces. That photo of you with all your toys lined up in panoramix fashion is amazing. I thought I had a lot of toys but now I know the truth (time to make my 'rents get me some more now!). I like your curated collection of Cuz's. My parents got one for me but I don't really play with it - I prefer things with fur. You are totally right about rule #1 though - I only have one toy that has a squeaker left and that is because it is my precious mini froggie (my favorite toy).


Tucker and Lola said...

I learned so much from you in this post Payton! You cleared up many questions I have had about how to handle my toys. I just can't let any of mine be thrown away without going into a full blown pug hissy fit. I have more studying to do...with your generous help I will conquer this toy thing.

Kari in Alaska said...

Rule 1 is the most important

Stop on by for a visit