March 21, 2003 - March 30, 2012
My sweet girl,
The morning you left us, it seemed as if the entire world was crying as a strong rainstorm blew into Chicago. Your inspirational life touched so many. You left a large imprint on this earth in such a short time here. I will never be the same having known you and loved you.
I miss you. I still expect to see you as I go about the day at home. I think about you so often. You have left quite a hole in my heart, but I know you are being patient with me through my tears as I try to fill the emptiness with wonderful memories.
I have never felt such deep sorrow and joy all at once. You were a beautiful gift. The years we shared were some of the most significant time of my life. You have taught me so much. I know it is all of those things that will stay with me. I hope to make you proud.
I was not ready to see you go, but I understand that it was time. Thank you for fighting so hard to stay with us for so long. We will not let all of our struggles be in vain. Your dad and I promise that we will continue to raise awareness about PDE and share your story of hope to whoever will listen. We will figure out how to help and what to do, fighting the battle as you did so bravely for all these years.
I will not say goodbye. I look forward to the day when you suddenly stop playing with (or supervising) all of your new friends at the bridge because you have spotted me. Oh, to see your tail wagging and feel your soft kisses again! At that time, we will go to heaven together and never be parted again. I will be your mom for eternity.
I love you,
I created another slide-show/video with a few pictures from each year of Payton's life. Same problem as yesterday's post/video...must be the music or something that has issues with embedding it, so here is the URL: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JcbWV7jElE4. Please take a look when you have a chance. It makes me smile at how serious her face looked as a puppy. As adorable as she was then, I really have a soft spot for her later years. She was a beautiful old lady. And Payton had the cutest smile, at any age. But it was her personality that won our hearts. She had such spunk and attitude, yet could be so sweet and loving. Always happy, eager to please and eat. She gave us so much and only wanted love (and a few treats) in return. Even in her last minutes, she used all the energy left in her little body to let us know how much she loved us. I am so glad that Tim and I were able to give Payton a great life. She deserved everything we gave her and more. She was one of a kind. The best pug ever.
Gosh, I just miss her. I know I keep saying that, but I lack the ability to express it any other way. I still cry every day and can't seem to shake the pit in my stomach. I have never felt grief like this, I never really knew what it felt like. I'm not going to rush through my feelings for fear of someone thinking it's not healthy or it's been too long. I'm going to follow my heart and work through this at my own pace. I know that I will eventually smile and laugh more than cry. I just need time. I have no doubt I will get through this. I will be strong for my brave girl.
Over the last month, there have been so many things said and done for me by such great people in this tight community. Each time someone has reached out, it has helped to start the healing process, a little bit at a time. There are still so many to thank...please be patient with me as I try to get to everyone. It has been a sad time not only with the loss of Payton, but so many others that left us before we were ready. I found the following cards, quotes, and comments to be particularly comforting so I want to share them with you now.
We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own, live within a fragile circle; easily and often breached. Unable to accept its awful gaps, we would still live no other way. We cherish memory as the only certain immortality, never fully understanding the necessary plan.
-- Irving Townsend
In a perfect world, death would never be. Love would be forever, and last eternally. In a perfect world, you’d still be by our side, lighting up our happy lives. You never would have died. In a perfect world, sadness would not be found. Love and life, and happiness forever would abound. Perhaps that perfect world awaits us when we die. A world where eternal bliss is found in heaven’s sky. We’ll cling to faith and hope, for God is a God of love, and in His time we’ll join you in a perfect world above.
-- Ron Tranmer
In the rising of the sun And in it's going down, In the blowing of the wind And in the chill of winter, In the opening of buds And in the rebirth of spring, We will remember you. In the blueness of the sky And in the warmth of summer, In the rustling of leaves And in the beauty of autumn, In the beginning of the year And when it ends, We will remember you. When we are weary And in need of strength, When we are lost and sick at heart, When we have joys we yearn to share, We will remember you. For long as we live, you too shall live, For you are a part of us, And we will always remember.
And in the pink flowers we remember Payton, a brave and loyal little pug, and her loving family. Payton will always be there, always be a part of us because she touched our hearts. And we will always remember.
Payton was sent to you for a reason. She taught you what she was supposed to and then it was time for her to move on. As you heal and recover, you'll figure out what you are supposed to do with what you have learned.
I fully believe that we will be together with these [fur] babies in Heaven. I know without a doubt that there won't be a single desire of my heart that is not met in Heaven. I won't have a single want that is not fulfilled. God knows the longings of my heart, and this is one of them. I believe He will provide.
Tomorrow I'll be back one last time to wrap up this great blogging adventure.
PS. I keep forgetting to tell you all about a blog called Our Rainbow Friends, and I still have to put their badge on the sidebar. It is a wonderful site that was created to honor all pets that cross the bridge. The posts are simple but nice. Payton's post on this blog was published already.